There is sexual tension between you and your dreams.
Here's how to bring your business-back (yeh).
Picture this: An idea falls out of the sky. It doesn’t just fall into your lap — no, it lights your whole soul on fire. You see yourself at the end of it all, celebrating the greatness you have created. You're heavy-lidded and satiated; you’re waking up next to your dreams after a wild night of rendezvousing between the sheets. You all but lick the air because the static tension has evolved into full-body pleasure. You’re grinding against the energy of the vision that is traveling down your spine kundalini style.
It’s hot. And you’re inspired.
So you take action that day. And the next. And the next. You forget on the fourth day. And something happens with your family on the fifth. At the end of day seven, you wake up at 3 AM and send a “you up"?” text to your vision, promising that you’ll pay attention in the daylight tomorrow. Work takes over and the vision feels grainy — where did it go? You reconnect when you tell your bestie about it in the group chat. Yum. That nipple-tingling possibility meets you again. You try to bring it closer, aching for the embrace of the end result.
By the end of the month, the sexy vision of your future feels like a torturous wet dream where you never get to cum, so you let go.
And the relief you feel from letting go, god. That makes you feel like it’s fate taking it from your hands.
You may have not realized it before — just how purely erotic creating is.
But you’re thinking about it now, aren’t you? The delectable full-body charge that comes from making eye contact with an idea from across the room. The undeniable warmth that makes your lips part. The toe-curling euphoria that comes from pure possibility pumping through your body.
Yeah, you have felt that. Most of us are aware of how deeply ingrained into our systems our hunger for hope is — it makes us do all sorts of things.
But, it's not all limbs tangled in sheets and multiple creative orgasms, is it?
You’re aware that there is sexual tension between you and your dreams, but what does that mean for you — the creative — in a society obsessed with quick, hard & fast, where everyone only cares about their own pleasure, rather than making creative love?
I like creative dirty talk, but I also love hittin’ the spot early — so I’ll break it down into three things. There’s a time and place for temptation, but it’s not here.
1. Where there is sexual tension, there is sexual frustration.
In the beginning of a spicy new connection between you and an idea — the excitement is high and all that waiting is sexy. The distance between you and the thing happening converts to a type of longing that opens your body. You’re not even being patient for it, because you’re not waiting for anything, you are fully present in the yumminess of the tension. You are (for lack of a better analogy) enjoying the journey rather than focusing on the destination.
You’re finding pleasure in the creation, in the tension, in the process. You’re staying connected to the bigger goals and dreams but the little strokes of pleasurable creation are just as thrilling as where you want to be.
But… It doesn’t take much for this to pop. All it takes is a moment of doubt. Of impatience. Of entitlement. And the spell is broken.
Your yummy sexual tension turns to sexual frustration. Those little strokes that used to be so delicious feel like they’re mocking you with their slowness. The connection that used to bring you so much joy and pleasure feels like it’s a curse. All of a sudden, what you felt when you first connected with this idea doesn’t feel worth “waiting” for anymore.
So, you break up with it. You stop connecting with that big, throbbing dream and let it go.
All of a sudden, all of the energy you were spending wondering if the dream “really was for you,” or if there was a way to speed it up, or dreaming about what other ideas are on the other side where the grass is green and the birds sing? That all rushes back to you.
And you feel good. Maybe for the first time in a long time. And you think that this is because it just wasn’t aligned.
But it’s a lot more simple than fate.
There was a need that wasn’t being met in that relationship. To keep that relationship alive, you would have needed the need met. And instead of meeting the need, you simply eradicated the relationship.
No relationship, no tension, no need, no discomfort.
This has happened to me with ideas a lot.
The needle isn’t moving, but I want the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow so damn bad it hurts. The wanting has warped; it doesn’t exist in the way that I wanted it originally — the way that is full of innocence and joy for creating.
No, I want it to prove to everyone else how great I am. Gone is the innocence of connection and creation, and in its place is a want and need for idea-arm-candy.
So I don’t have time to wait around for it to naturally bloom. I either need to get in there and force it open, or abandon it completely… sometimes both.
Lesson: Learn to love the tension. Learn what you need to comfortably sit in tension.
Food for thought: What makes you feel connected to your ideas? What do you need to stay open and hopeful? Who makes you feel like a dreamer? Who makes you feel like you should abandon all possibility and give up your ideas (hint: try to stay away from these guys)?
2. Everything is relating
Here’s the thing: in the big wide world of spiritual business there are a lot of rules that tell you your ideas need to be squeaky clean AKA come from the utmost aligned purest most chakraest place in your being. And this need for perfection — well it’s a creation-block.
I’m sure there is a kink for it — but most of us don’t feel alive and turned on from the push to do everything super perfectly and never ever ever ever ever dating an idea that is the “wrong” type.
We are taught that the Prince Charming of ideas is the long-term-make-a-billion-dollars-your-soul-work-type of idea.
The truth is: your nervous system comes up with great ideas too.
When you are broke AF, worried about paying bills, uncomfortable in your current job, or just somewhat triggered by some other shit, your nervous system is going to go:
“Hey buddy, hate this for us, I am pumping you full of adrenalin so you know we want to run far far far away from this stimulus… hope our brain comes up with something dope so that we don’t need to keep bumpin’ uglies with this situation”
Those ideas are designed to take you away from whatever it is that you don’t want, but they aren’t necessarily designed to take you toward what you want — and that’s okay.
So, you can trust the ideas that come from your “holy shit I have $0 left and rent is due”. But, see them for what they are: idea flings.
I would get these ideas (cause, ya girl has been down to $0 quite a few times) and I would put the length of these courses or programs or commitments up to a year. And when people would buy (cause, the ideas were great) there would be relief for a week or a month or however long it took me to go…
oh… this isn’t the idea for me.
Know that everything is relating, and if you know your body, your. nervous system and your innate idea factory intimately it’s easy to know where the idea comes from and to treat it for what it is while you enjoy it.
Because: it’s way fucking easier to have authentic dreams and ideas that are aligned with your long-term goals when your email isn’t full of overdue payment notices.
Lesson: Let yourself have creative flings.
Food for thought: What do you want to do for a hot second? What are some small idea-dates you could try? How could you make an extra $50 or $500? What could you do as a hobby that makes a little bit of extra cash?
3. Everything is relating… so all of your commitment shit? yeah, you’re gonna see that in your goals and dreams.
Remember at the start when I told you about tension? Yeah, some of us detest that. Which is fair — because our bodies are literally designed to do everything they can to avoid it.
Like I’ve said before sitting in tension is a muscle and it will take practice.
And… it’s scary to have hopes and dreams.
We think it's all butterflies and hot ideas but the truth is that sharing this idea or creation of yours requires grit, guts, and resilience. It requires workshopping and not giving up hope on the things that really light you you.
You have to be willing to make mistakes and do things “wrong”.
It requires you being creative.
While you are practicing, you can make it easier on yourself by knowing what your patterns are.
For example, moi? I had a nasty habit of abandoning myself for at least 6 months trying to make something work by not being or honouring myself. Like, I’ll make a whole personality up for the relationship. With my dreams, this means I’ll stick out an idea because of how other people see me. Other times, it means I’ll burn myself the f out for a dream I am obsessed with, only to think it’s “not aligned” because I’ve spent the last year making it my whole personality — these are the crem-de-la-crem scenarios, but you get my point, right?
Lesson: Learn your patterns so you can pep talk yourself through the hard stuff, or know when you’ve outgrown it.
Food for thought: What have you outgrown? When was the last time you upskilled on your delivery? What could you do to reignite the spark between you and a long creation? When was the last time you connected to the great vision?
I would love to hear about your relationships with your dreams. I love it. It’s why I made it my job. I am like the relationship counselor for your dreams and services. I help you find the hot steamy connection again. I people have the skills to find the words for what they do, what they give, and the grand goals they have for their businesses.
I’ve got the skills and an expensive piece of paper to bring the dream out of the sky and into the real world. In summary: I make strategy sexy.
love this novel take. I hadn't thought about my ideas in this way but it feels super relevant for me at the moment as I watch ideas heat up (and fall flat) and noticing how I relate with that process. Thank you for this thought-provoking approach. I won't forget it!
This is fantastic, Erica! I felt the words lifting up from the page straight into and through my entire body. Love, love, love this take on creativity! Thank you so much.