Is this a cult? 7 questions I should have asked before I handed over a credit card
Girl, spit out the coolaide.
Before we picture this, I want to say a cheeky hello to over 200 new faces. Normally I would have this one behind a paywall but to celebrate so many of you finding me since my last post (and to give you a further taste of my writing style) I’m leaving this one free as a bird.
You ready?
Good.
Picture this: Remember the last time you were hurting. The last time you broke for whatever the reason. The last time you went through a massive life change. The last time you felt unsure of yourself, your decisions, your direction. The last time something made your heart sink.
Picture someone coming to you in these moments with the key to it all going away in their hands. Imagine them telling you that you aren’t a victim to your life’s circumstances but the creator amongst it all. Imagine them giving you the answers to make sure this never happened to you again.
In that moment, when the pain of the unknown makes it impossible to see a way out, impossible to create something new. When your mind is pumping options that are not the best options for you, but the options that get you away from what is going on in your body as fast as humanly possible,
Do you think you’d take a sip of the coolaide?
On my last post that brought so many new faces (hello!), there was a comment that said “with the substitution of certain words and phrases, this could be a "my life in the religious cult and how I got out" article.”
I had to clean the drool off my laptop because I love conversations like this.
Mainly because two years ago I pulled my head out of the sand to find my world on fire.
I had been involved in the Self Help/Spiritual Industries as a client and a employee for so many years. My first date with the secret when I was 15. I had leaned into the idea that I created all of this *gestures wildly to everything thats on fire* all by myself.
I don’t think I could have ever predicted how that line of thinking mixed with marketing and social media would create a dynamic in most of these “communities” that should be seriously questioned.
I had moments of “that can’t be right” when I was well into my journey and nuance started to poke holes in the theory that I was in control of absolutely everything and responsible for absolutely everything that happened to me in my body that was full to the brim of trauma (that only employees of an unregulated industry that has no pre-requisites for mental health care could relieve me of).
But of course, I thought that there was something wrong with me. That I was only “cynical” like that because I “loved being a victim so much that I was clinging to it with both hands”.
Go back and read that with an eye roll, if you didn’t already.
Its a tactic we see in religious cults all the time: come to us, we will relieve you of your sins and you will go on to a better place. Leave everything behind that is “unaligned” and step in to your ‘true self’”.
I looked up to find everything on fire, because my life was a series of gaslighting moments, and I didn’t know any better. I had been consuming this content while I my brain was still developing. While my brain was still figuring the world out, while I was still unsure of who I was. I was given a set of rules, a way to live, a way to control, and I believed it.
Here’s the most important thing I’ve learnt on my deep dive into unraveling behaviours and beliefs I shovelled down my throat and choked on:
You don’t get sucked into a cult dynamic because you’re stupid, you are sucked in because you’re vulnerable.
“No one joins a cult. People delay leaving organisations that misrepresented themselves.” — Cathleen Mann, personal interview
I gaslit, gatekept and girlbossed myself to devote myself to an industry that is allergic to nuance. I’m talking full body rash and anaphylaxis allergic.
Am I saying that every single part of this industry is ceremonial grade bubbling toxic waste?
No.
Am I saying that its spiralled out of control due to the ever evolving media landscape, marketing techniques and lack of regulation aside from forums talking shit on reddit?
Yes.
Yes I am.
Maybe you’re sitting there like “yeah, but Erica everything could be a cult” or “cult comes from the word culture (it doesn’t), its just talking about a lifestyle and community”, or “you’re just saying these things are culty because you’re jealous/not woke enough/ hijacked by shitty consciousness”, I’m sorry but I am about to burst that bubble with a baseball bat.
There are some key characteristics that overlap my experience that are not normal or integral for places that actually genuinely want to help people.
I’m giving you 7 questions to ask before you hand over your cash the next time you’re vulnerable and instagram marketing has convinced you that you just need to invest in order to rid yourself of these patterns, vibes and energetics.
The self help industry has so much potential. The soil is nutritious, the weather is right, and its tempting to just run in and eat everything that looks ripe. But before you do, lets make sure you’re not walking into a venus fly trap.
“Cultic dynamics exploit the most tender parts of human relationships. They exploit the best parts of you as a human: your altruism, yearning, hope.” — Matthew Remski, cult survivor and independent researcher
I don’t think these people are going in thinking they’re running a cult, I think they’re trying to run a business. But when there is little to no accountability, tactics to control and influence the way we think and behave, isolation from family and old friends, and a deconstruction of the self — we have to ask better questions.
“Defining a cult has more to do with how the organization is run, not the political, psychological or spiritual beliefs of the organization.” — Bruce Lerro
Is there someone with absolute authority who’s opinion is rarely questioned? Does this person welcome feedback? Do they take responsibility? Do they seem to float above the rest of us mere morsels and never, ever make a mistake or harm? Are their actions always “aligned” and if they harm you or someone else its your fault / for your own good & growth?
When my only influence was spaces like this, I became what I call a responsibility goblin. I would eat up all the responsibility so there was none left. If I did bring things up or question (often tentatively because there was often backlash for doing so), it was always brought back to the same thread: it was on me. I created this, it was for my own good.
Can you see some references? How is critical thinking, questioning and curiosity treated? When you ask questions to clarity nuance and if their tactics can actually help everybody (including you) how is this met? Are these “ancient techniques” or “channelled guidance” that require you to have unwavering trust? If you don’t are you treated as tainted and less than? Is there a general feel that the group knows more than the rest of humanity?
Whats the story with people who have left? Cult groups often believe that they hold the ultimate truth; they can’t imagine anyone leaving with their integrity intact. When people leave positions or the community how do people talk about them? Are they unaligned and damaged, giving in to their ‘lower’ selves?
Is there a demand for purity? Do they take black and white view to most things in the world? Do the members strive for energetic/spiritual perfection? Are guilt and shame used to control the members ? — No one is going to come out and say “Im going to guilt you into that” its going to be subliminal. Is there a sense / do you believe that the leader is superior and you are inferior? Do you ache for their approval?
Does it feel like you are learning a new language / the terms don’t mean what they used to? I was talking to a friend who started studying counselling and we were discussing how the language we have learned in the self help community does not cross over into the “real” world. According to Robert Lifton in Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of "Brainwashing" in China, “This jargon consists of thought-terminating clichés which serve to alter members’ thought processes to conform to the groups way of thinking.”
When you hear these words do you pause at all to clarify and ask questions or do you just keep it going?
Do they reinterpret things that have happened to you to fit the ideology of the group? Do they justify abuse? Do they talk about abusive and dangerous experiences as being predetermined, the will of the universe/god, or your fault because of some sort of sin you carry? Does it encourage you to look back on experiences and put the beliefs / ideology at the forefront rather than your experience or value?
Is there an essence of “this group will become your family”? Are those outside of the group subject to a “convert or reject” ideology? If they haven’t been through the courses, ‘healing’, or conversion are they considered not saved, unenlightened, unconscious, or unaligned? How do they encourage you to deal with this? Is it by leaving everyone behind and moving on?
These are questions that I wish I had have asked myself earlier on in my journey of handing over cash for healing.
We are in a severe deficit of exceptional leadership within this industry. I used to think I was being unreasonable to hope for people who genuinely want to see people thrive. People who ache to see clients loving themselves more than the techniques of the teacher, those who don’t have repeat customers because what they do genuinely empowers people. These were businesses after all.
But there are. There are so many people out there who are doing good things without using coercion and control.
I encourage you to share them in the comments.
I used to be so driven by the believes of purity and ultimate alignment that it meant the moment I saw someone display values or traits that didn’t match me completely I would discredit the value of their work for me. Rather than seeing techniques as separate to the person teaching them.
Hell, I’d discredit potential friends and support because I didn’t want to get tainted by their “vibration”. And I wouldn’t want to be around my friends when I wasn’t at my “highest” lest they find out I wasn’t vibin’ high.
This way of choosing who to learn from and be around was so deeply anchored in my experience of communities that require and expect you to give away your sense of self and devote yourself to the “cause” or “community” wholeheartedly — either with your cash or by recruiting and spreading the word.
Even writing this, I can feel the parts of me trained to defend bubbling beneath the surface, the parts that are scared to get in trouble or be further removed and shamed.
But heres the rub for those of you who are experiencing a similar fear claw its way through your insides as you read through the seven questions:
If the criteria of a cult doesn’t apply to your leadership style, business or communtiy you’re a part of then you have nothing to worry about. '
Right?
Thank you for reading my rabbit hole style well researched stories and thoughts with me at The Arcane.
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I have recently been connecting all the dots and have come to the same conclusion myself in many ways. The whole idea that we create our reality is total bonkers. So much to say. Loved reading this. Thank you!
I'm so happy that you are focusing on writing again.
Just so happy.
Really enjoyed this one and so agree with the points you've made.