A little over a year ago my fiance, 3 year old (at the time) and I packed up the house we had just finished furnishing in the Noosa Hinterlands and decided to move to Bali.
For the sweet price of $750 a week we were paying for Murphy’s home: where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
Before we landed there, we had spent 5 months travelling around Australia, hoping we could find a piece of land that really sung to us. And to be honest with you, there were moments where that did happen. Unfortunately, when it did: it only happened for one of us, or we had f*ck all community there, or the weather sucked.
To be clear: I knew that there would be a level of “suck” everywhere we went. I knew that what I loved about it had to carry me through the sucky parts. So naturally, we settled where my chosen family were until the sucky parts escalated.
I’d holidayed in Bali three times in my life, and never more for 7 days. Honestly, it felt a little crazy.
What felt crazier: staying in a space that we didn’t love.
It was my first one way ticket out of Aus ever. I was looking at my well travelled, multi-lingual sexy bestie and fiance like please dont let this be the thing that kills me.
Riley had lived in Indonesia off and on since they were a child, they speak Bahasa, they know the culture — they were our rock.
If I’m really honest, from the moment that we landed in QLD things have been intense. That intensity came in tidal waves in Bali. Now that we are finally on the out of it *fingers crossed*, I can take a breath and share what I’ve learnt.
11 things I’ve learned from 1 year in Bali.
1. There are some things you simply cannot google.
Before we got on the plane to come here I had a million questions for Riley, and even more for google. I didn’t want to have any surprises.
It’s been a pretty common theme from exes that I can be controlling. Before I went “oh that is a common for an avoidant person to say to an anxious person” I went nom nom nom and gobbled that up as something I thought was part of my identity. That I was controlling — so my goodness, I was shitting myself thinking about how I would be fully out of control of my environment.
Plot twist: I learnt that actually I am very malleable and not all that controlling. Getting out of your environment and what is familiar is confronting and uncomfortable but before you know it your body will relax and this will be your new normal.
Affirmation: I am a creative genius who thinks on her feet and acts with her heart.
2. What you can google… google.
Look, I know what I just said. That I was a cool calm collected guy who goes with the flow but also I like to know the temperature of the flow, the speed, the direction if I am travelling with a 3 year old to a foreign country where I know no one.
Honestly, google what you can. Find out about visa options, ask around for lawyers to help you. Find out entry requirements. Organise as much as you can in advance. Moving to a new country is already A LOT on the nervous system, its okay to want to take out any potential surprises for a hot second.
Affirmation: Asking better questions makes me a better explorer.
3. Just because the rules don’t look the same as back home, doesn’t mean there aren’t any rules.
I remember when I was in year 12 and people would talk about their trips to Bali “the roads are crazy! there are no rules” they’d say. I thought so too when I came here for the first time. How the fuck are they not crashing into each other?! How is everyone so calm?
Turns out: there are still rules. Of course there bloody are. The first time I realised the roads mimicked surfing was at an intersection on the Canguu Shortcut (youtube it, I’m sure you’ll find some images of it and understand). The traffic flows together like surfers on the waves. Don’t drop in on people and you have to trust that the people behind you are also focusing on getting there safely.
Affirmation: I learn the rules so I can play the game.
4. Go at your own pace.
In saying that, I only had my 50cc moped licence from when I was 17. So I knew how to ride a scooter at that level (most of them here are atleast 80cc if not higher) but not how to drive in Bali.
Riley had their motorbike licence from Aus and had learned a lot riding around Bali. They commented that how I drove would get me killed: I was trying to drive Australia style in Bali; I was hesitant to just go. I learned to really claim some space on the road in Canguu.
But when we moved to Uluwatu, that meant driving on the big ass highway a lot. Where no one indicates, stays in a lane, or goes the same speed. Its a weird organised chaos but fken mayhem on the nervous system. I learnt on that road that I wouldn’t sacrifice my peace of mind or safety for someone elses impatience, it wont kill them to wait 2 mins to get to their cafe, but it might kill us to rush.
Affirmation: I wont risk my safety for your impatience.
5. (White) guilt wont make you a good person.
When we first got here, I was uncomfortably aware of the colonial influence on Bali and the impact that tourism has had on its economy, environment and people. It paralysed me. I was so conscious of my actions and impact as an individual to the point that I couldn’t make a decision or move.
I very quickly learnt the difference between good choices because youre doing your best and in your heart, and “good choices” because you don’t wanna be seen as bad. You wont disentangle a place from its history and white people’s impact but you can do your best while you are there.
Affirmation: I am human, and I do my best.
6. You’re in a foreign country: use your back up plan when you need it.
Recently, we fell on the hardest financial times we have ever had. It was rough. Some might even call it rock bottom. Hell, they might have said that we hit that months before we actually put in our back up plan and pivoted so we could afford to live.
Being in a foreign country is stressful when you are financially unstable. There is nothing to catch you — no government support, no family close by, nada. If you are falling on hard times ACT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, not when you have fallen. When you are living in a developing country with money its a tropical island, but when you aren’t its a poverty stricken nation where you can’t pay for “privileges” that are a given in your home country like healthcare.
Affirmation: I listen to the whisper of guidance before it needs to shout at me.
7. You will adapt to your circumstances.
I went back home for the first time in 7 months recently and I cried when I stepped into the shower because the water wasn’t harsh and it didn’t have a weird smell (we are getting a fancy water filter this week for our showers to help this hopefully). Its pretty common around Bali unless you are in some sort of hotel or resort for the shower water to be really poor quality. You’ll notice — it’ll strip your hair and be harsh on your skin.
But then, you’ll get used to it.
Until you go back to Australia and you wash your hair and all of a sudden your natural curl is back and your skin is glowing.
Without the contrast I forgot there was another option. It was just life.
Affirmation: I am grateful for what I have, and I can demand better.
8. You have to be willing to love people, even when they might leave.
Bali is a transient place, it honestly feels like the minute I make a friend they jet back to where they came from. It made me not wanna make friends. Cause what was the point?
I stopped networking or getting peoples contacts or really making an effort to connect. Why would I when you’re just gonna leave? (or we might leave).
What an empty existence. Its boring. Its lonely. Its okay to have that fear, but its not okay for it to drive.
Affirmation: Connection is worth the risk.
9. Kids are more resilient than we know
I was really worried about Leo being away from his extended family or god parents or our favourite friends. I was worried that he wouldn’t handle the change or he would miss everyone too much.
When I was his age, we moved from Tasmania to Western Australia away from everyone. It made me resent airports and hate going back at all. I assumed Leo would have the same experience as me.
But after watching him, I know even if he does, he is having a great experience here in Bali. He makes friends literally everywhere we go and is obsessed with his school friends.
Affirmation: I don’t need to protect my son from life.
10. Use the local bug spray
I think its easy to come over with our developed country cockiness when it comes to certain things (road rules, healthcare, education etc) and assume we have the best of everything (cause thats what we are told). But heres the rub: you aren’t there anymore.
And you know who is here, all the time, using tried and true methods of survival? The locals.
Step your arrogance down notch and ask for local solutions for local problems. Use the local bug spray — cause it bloody works.
Affirmation: I am open to a new way of doing things.
11. Everything sucks a little.
I was looking for the most aligned, most alive, most romantic place to live. A place with nothing wrong with it. Which, to be completely honest with you doesn’t exist. Every single place we have lived or travelled to had something that we didn’t love.
The trick is to choose places where you love them enough to weather the suckiness. A good Love:Suck ration if you will.
That Bali for us. Of course there are bad days. Of course some things could or “should” be improved or different but that will happen where ever we go.
Affirmation: I am not looking for the perfect place, I am looking for a place I enjoy.
I would love to hear about your biggest takeaways from places you have visited or stayed long term! Let me know in the comments.
And if you are coming to Bali soon — please let me know! I’d love to get coffee.
Wow, what good lessons, even for someone who is only traveling through life not over a distance, like what to do when you move into a new job.
Love this baby! Thank you for sharing ♥️ can’t wait to do so many more adventures with you!